Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
