why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I just went to clothing optional bar
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
