Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
