I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
