I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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