I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
