now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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