Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
