I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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