His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
