I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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