So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
