dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
