Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
