Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
