About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
