3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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