Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
