I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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