Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
