The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dear god my vagina.
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