I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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