I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
