I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This house was built for laser tag.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
