Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
