you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
