just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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