Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
