Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
