She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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