woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
