i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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