the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
