Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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