Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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