so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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