Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
