So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had sex on a roof
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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