she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
