I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Boobs speak an international language.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
