She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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