His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
