you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
