Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
