Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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