No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
