I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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