my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
