Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
whose parrot is this?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
