EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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