I just saw a hot homeless man
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
