what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
