mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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