He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
