She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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