i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
BRING THE BAGELS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
