i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
